I was seeing an 83 year old male for follow up of recent health problems. I asked him how things were going. He pointed out that he was a little tired. His wife (81 years old) was formally diagnosed with dementia. She had had a recent hospitalization for an acute illness and had been discharged to a nursing home. At this time, my patiet's eyes flashed as he told me, "I didn't like the place! They had her walking with a walker." I got her home and in 3 days, she was walking on her own."
He told me that now she was home, he had to watch her carefully -- in case she turned on the stove, or left a tap running. He did all the cooking, cleaning and helped her get dressed. Concerned about his health, I explained as sensitively as I could that there were options: he could have home health come and assist him ("I won't have strangers coming into my home to care for my wife!"), he could place her in a nursing home or assisted living facility where he could visit her often ("I will never do that!"). In the end, somewhat exasperated, I told him that I was concerned about his failing health and strength. In the process of sizing up the task of his caring for his wife full-time, I explained that it was a lot of work for one 83 year old man to do. He fixed his gaze on me and simple said:
"She's worth it!"
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