The pager vibrated where it sat on my table next to my desk lamp. I was sipping coffee at 5:00 am when I picked it up to see who was paging me. I was on call that weekend and it was a Sunday morning. The message was the one we never like to see: pediatric code blue, ER 15 minutes. I dressed hastily and got to the ER as fast as I could. Although I was on call, I was not on call as as a first responder. That job fell to the pediatric intensivist and residents on call. I went anyway. By the time I got to the ER, they were already there and CPR was well into 10 minutes. The 4-month old baby was pale and lifeless, pupils fixed and dilated with no pulse and no respirations. The code ran about an hour before it was stopped. The coroner would be doing an autopsy because of the untimely death of this previously healthy baby. Apparently, the night before, the infant had been fussy so his parents brought him into their bed. Cause of death was most likely SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome).
As I walked out of the ER, I could not help but remember the last time something happened, that I was a part of. It was during my intern year and the code came at the end of a 30-hour call period. I remember coming back to my car numb and crying as I sat in the drivers seat, overwhelmed, tired, shocked and heartbroken.
This time, I got back in my car, drove home, showered and returned to the hospital to see newborns. I'm not an intern anymore. I can't say I feel nothing, but I was not as overwhelmed as I was the first time. That morning, my responsibilities included performing the newborn exam on all the babies that had been born overnight. As I looked into their little faces, I could not help but smile while in my mind was the image of the dead baby I had seen only an hour or two ago. From death to birth in a morning. That is medicine.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
We are in the careers we are in because GOD PICKED YOU to be there when he takes his children to Heaven. It's an impossible feeling to know that five hours ago or even five minutes ago the child in your care had a pulse and now, your doing all you can to bring that child back to life. I don't know how to better state it...God has a plan. You, (as am I) are part of his plan, and while we deal with things that many people only have nightmares about, what a gift that we are able to be there for those families during the worst day of their lives. That we are able to offer words of comfort and help them begin the griving process. God Picked You Vijay.
Yikes, I got chills reading this one. Thanks for doing the dirty work, that not many other people could handle! :(
Thanks for your comments, guys. You're right: I would not rather be doing anything else. Autumn, you too know the bitter-sweet joy of being a healthcare provider to children. By the way, when do you start your clinicals? Who are you working with?
Daisy, as the mom of a little one, this probably hit close to home. Watch and pray.
Dr. Aswani, You are a gift to your patients and to the staff you work with. You have such love for your patients. It is truly a pleasure to work with you. When you come to the floor, it is truly working with you, you are reseptive to other prespectives and ou always have a smile and a level head. Everyone that meets you is truly blessed.
Post a Comment