Sickness

It was Monday, the first day of the work week. I had feeling unwell all weekend and dragged myself into work Monday. After a busy clinic, I was feeling really run down. My nose dripped, my eyes were red and itchy and my body ached. As the night wore on, I found myself getting sicker. Fortunately, it is near the end of the academic year and the intern I was on call with was more than willing, and able to step up to the plate and field most of the calls. Still, as I lay on the couch in the residents' room feeling miserable and useless, I was overcome by guilt at leaving him alone to 'do it all'. I was afraid to go into the Pediatric ICU or the Oncology sections where our sickest patients with the most compromised immune systems lay, lest I infect them with whatever I had.

The next afternoon, after returning home, I felt I was getting worse. I agonized over the decision: should I go in to work or beg off sick. Healthcare workers are a strange breed. When we are sick, we feel guilt and dismay at not showing up for our patients and leaving our overworked and tired colleagues to take up the slack. And yet, who knows more the risks of exposing the sick to more sources of infection from the ones they come to for help and care?

I called in sick. I did present to the Urgent Care and was dutifully swabbed for swine flu, and the two common forms of seasonal flu. Fortunately, I was negative for all three. Fortified by this knowledge, I was able to return to work last night -- no runny nose, a minimum cough and a healing body. Perhaps one of the benefits of working with sickness is the constant exposure and 'education' our immune systems get, and the ability to consequently heal a little faster.

A colleague took my night of call. I shall have to 'pay her back' by taking her call in the future sometime. While I would not let such a good deed unnoticed or want her to gratuitously do my work, I do feel bad that our system does not allow for sickness. Maybe it does, but there is no equitable trade. I'm better and back on the other side of the sick bed, where I belong. By the way, those swabs hurt! OUCH! I guess I know how my patients feel when I order these tests...